4 reasons why we should stop commenting on other people’s bodies
As long as I can remember I have had weight issues. I was a chubby child, an overweight teenager and subsequently a fat adult (with periods of non-sustainable weight loss that temporarily reduced my frame).
As a young child I can remember being constantly reminded by well-meaning family members, friends and sometimes strangers how my body size met their disapproval. As if by sharing their opinion on my body would instantly make me thinner, when I had barely learned how to tie my shoelaces.
I often feel for that younger version of myself. My biggest concern at such a young and impressionable age should have been about how to make new friends or to learn my timetables, instead of feeling judged and worthless based on my size.
Naturally, years of criticism and body-shaming gave me severe body image issues. So, when I started dieting and lost weight, I had imagined that people’s “compliments” would finally make me feel good about myself.
Except, it didn’t. What it did do however, was validate and emphasize that my worth was tied to my appearance. And that was the beginning of my yoyo dieting and limiting beliefs to do with my weight and my worthiness.
That’s when I realised that I’d rather people didn’t make comments on my body at all, regardless of their good intentions. Here’s 4 reasons why -
1. Commenting on someone's body size and shape and appearance reinforces the message that people are only as much as their body, and that they are being judged by how they present in the world. When in fact our values, ethics, morals, and the way we treat others are so much more important than the vessel which carries us through life.
2. It can make eating disorders worse. When people compliment someone for losing weight, they rarely know the background story and the extreme measures people have taken to feel accepted by society. For someone with a history of body image issues or eating disorders, body compliments can be a triggering experience that reinforces disordered eating and disordered body images
3. People’s bodies are not your business. Not your business to comment on, criticise, compliment, whatever. Just full stop— it is no one else’s business. Unless you have been invited, or someone requests your opinion, do not comment on other people’s bodies.
4. Weight doesn’t necessarily define health. There are plenty of slim people who have a myriad of health issues, and many larger body people who are fit, and lead active lifestyles. Just because someone is fat it does not mean they are necessarily unhealthy and don’t lead balanced lifestyles.
Does this mean that we can no longer compliment others? No! But your comments don’t need to revolve around their bodies. There are other ways to make people feel good that have nothing to do with their physical appearance. Here are a few tips:
1. When you are connecting with someone focus on them, who they truly are as a person, NOT what they look like on the outside.
2. See people beyond their exterior, and value them for more than their aesthetics
3. Instead of complimenting someone's body, focus on their character, values and what they contribute to the world.
4. Give non-appearance compliments such as “you are such a good artist, I love your brush work” or “you always make me laugh, you are so funny”.
The media and society may have conditioned us otherwise, but please know that all bodies are beautiful, worthy and have their place in this world. Your worth is not defined by the vessel that carries you through life, but through the words you speak, the values you embody and your treatment of others.
If you are struggling with body image issues, have feelings of low self-worth or have an eating disorder, help is here for you: https://stepaheadcounselling.com.au/.